Being positive is positive. Not listening, having compassion, or holding space for someone because it is uncomfortable for you is not. It can feel dismissive and hard for peeps who had the courage to show you themselves.
I had to use these things on the left to get me out of negative hell- and they worked! Positive thinking really does work to shift things! But passive dismissiveness from others actually increases people’s trauma response.
When people told me these things on the right, after I finally felt safe to tell them something about my chaotic life and trauma, I just learned to not talk about any of my life anymore. Our relationships were based on letting them talk and me encouraging them. Eventually I became resentful because I was left empty. I finally learned that what I was allowing was the problem.
Eventually I learned to pick new people to be around that would listen and be there for me like I was for them. I’m super grateful I have solid friends now- but it took years of learning boundaries and going through painful experiences with my family and acquaintances. So many didn’t like when I changed the “rules” of having any needs at all. It hurt because those relationships were all very conditional and I couldn’t make mistakes or I paid. And I did. And lots of people left because I wouldn’t let them take my energy anymore. I had to realize I was done being a “lonely muse.”
I share this because I work with this in clinic everyday. And get your messages. I hear your stories, but those details are not mine to tell. I see your growth and how you’ve stood up for yourself. How your symptoms got better because of it. I’m so damn proud of you. Of us. We are breaking cycles. It’s hard- but oh man, it is sooo worth it.
Please reach out if you need support in these areas. It’s my jam- and my prayer is that it can be less scary, stigmatized, isolating, and soul sucking that it was for me and those who came before us.
Much love. You’ve got this, you sweet badass. ❤️🔥🙏❤️